For our next course....

Before I left the U.S., I had dinner with a few family friends about their trip to Hong Kong. They gave some great advice. But, they did warn me.

“Watch out for the fancy dinners.” ~Rene.

Oh, Lordy – Mom, you can tell Rene that she was right. I just lived a scene out of “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.” No snakes. No monkey brains. Now, I am an experimental eater. But… this?

Yea…

Tonight was my hall’s High Table Dinner, one of three we are required by the University to attend. It’s a very important function for the Hall. I was excited to go.

Now, Chinese food is served differently here than in the U.S. Traditionally, you serve one dish at a time, and you finish off one/two dishes at one sitting, and then another set will be brought to you.

Let’s start with the first course:

Suckling Pig. That pig was served to me with its face facing me. I had to stare the pig in the face while we ate. And the meat served was not the interior of the pig... it was the outside. I had to eat the skin off a pig... while it looked it at me.

I suddenly wasn’t that hungry. Allison, oh lordy, Allison.

After the pig, here we go.

Shrimp. Now, I like shrimp. But, I don’t enjoy having my food look at me when I eat. And I swear one of them moved. No one else believed me. I actually won’t have Shrimp at Sushi restaurants anymore because I went to one that served me shrimp with the eyes. I don’t want to look at my food while it's looking at me.

Things just kept getting worse. Damn fish...

I am missing a photo of the whole chicken that was served to us... head and all. Again, the bird looked at me while we ate. I miss Chicken Nuggets.

This pastry was actually good. I have no idea what was in it, and how my night was going, I didn't want to know.

In all our table was served something in the neighborhood of 15 dishes with tea. The majority of the food was quite good. I just like not..... well, looking at my food.

And the endless combination of Pork, Shellfish, Dairy, Beef and Dairy taints my body so much, that God himself would ban me from ever devoting a life to Kosher dietary laws.

After dinner, we had a series of speeches (given in Cantonese) and other stuff. Again, I bring up the mentality of the Chinese compared to Western thought. We had the whole series of applause again for people. We were introduced to committees of students and alumni. Everyone in that echelon of power wore the same outfit.

Anyways, the dinner was quite good, despite the looking at my food thing.

Please Mind the Gap, and stop looking at me!

~Ken

Stop, put that credit card down! We will shoot!

I inherited my parents' love of fine things. I remember going with my mom to the Chanel counter to get her usual items. I remember going with my father to get a BMW. I remember going with my aunt to Saks 5th Avenue.

It's part of my makeup, I'm a male fashionista. I enjoy seeing what fashion is doing.

I, however, did not inherit my parents' incomes, or their financial discipline. I inherited a $1 million love of things, with a journalist's salary.

So, I make do. You learn to purchase some really nice things cuz they'll last you a long time. you get good shoes, you get good ties. You don't buy season fashion, you buy classics. Thanks Mom, Chanel taught you, and vicariously me, well.

For mainly reasons, I've always been restrained in my ability to purchase fashion. Money, yes. But more isolation than anything else.

I lived in Flagstaff - there's no shopping there.
I lived in Columbia, Mo. - there's no shopping there.
I lived in Tucson, AZ - there's no shopping there.
Now I live in Hong Kong. … and… well, there's just too much shopping here.

Now I get to the point of my blog entry - that I, in all I have learned in fashion, is giving up.

Hong Kong is free trade, and complete and utter access to all fashion. And I mean all fashion.

I walked into the Prince's Building today, which is one of ugh, 30 maybe, major shopping malls in Central, where I work. I list the following flagship stores that I walked past: Valentino (2), Dior, Verace, Chanel, Prada, Dolce and Gabanna, Gucci (3), Tod's, Dunhill, Bally, Yves St. Laurent(2), Armani, Hugo Boss, a dozen high-end tailors and enough jewelry stores to make Elizabeth Taylor throw up. That's not counting the stores that I have clue if they actually matter or not, with pretentious names that only Brenden may know.

With all this fashion, what I have I learned?

It's just too much and I give up. I tried. I tried getting nice ties, good shoes, nice pants. I tried. I tried to look good. And then you see some random white tourist who bought the outfit instead of the one item I got.

So, what have I learned about shopping here? Unless you have an American Express Centurion Card, or you're Madonna, insane or all three, fashion is depressing.

First off, good taste is damn expensive. I found a coat at Zenga this weekend, it was a great basic - Brown leather, wool lining, would have been in my wardrobe for decades. It wasn't outlandish at all. It was HK$34,000 (divide that shit by 8.. and you what do you get? Depression). Good jeans are now US$150-200, with something interesting starting at $300.

The cost of a tie is directly related to it's cost. It's a fact, the $20 sale tie is ugly. I worked in ties - I know.

I tried for emulation. I bought letigre polos instead of lacoste - the letigre ones faded and fell apart. the $100 dress shoes hurt my feet, the $200 ones are a compromise to the $600 ones, which would last longer and way look better.

And don't get me started on that I want a watch, just a watch, and the one I wanted cost more than my car. (No, I didn't go for price). If anyone knows anything about me, with one key exception, I'm not a logo fiend.

So, I give up.I'm going to wear free sleeveless t-shirts and sweatpants and ugly madras blazers to black tie events. I just can't keep up anymore.

And also, here in Hong Kong, I've learned somehow, the Chinese have the highest savings rates in the world and also spend the most on fashion. I can't save or buy fashion. I'm a jewish barbarian.

I was talking about this with a friend at work today. This is his quote:

"One of the sad facts of journalism, is you work for no pay to talk to people with IQ's hundred times your own and a million times your salary. It sucks mate."

Ain't it the fucking truth?

Please Mind the Gap - and the $6,000 Valentino dresses … they're frail you know.

~Ken

A bird of many colours.

Okay, before I go any further... couple things: 1) Yea, that image above is owned by someone at the Associated Press and I am assuming no copyright privileges to it, blah, blah, blah. ... 2) Sorry I haven't been posting, life has been so busy.

What do you call the event associated with that picture? The Tiananmen Square protests of 1989? The Tiananmen Square Massacre? That Event in China?

How about The June 4th Incident.

Yea.

Welcome to China.

I found myself in my first political discussion where I didn't realize I was in a heap of trouble a few days ago. I was speaking to a Mainlander about Tiananmen Square and I brought up 1989. Yea, that was a mistake.

I think in the United States there are certain controversial issues that will almost get everyone flared up in some way or another. Abortion, Gay Marriage, Brady Commons, etc.

I think Tiananmen Square beats them all. Depending on whom you talk to here, you have to refer to it by a certain name in order not to offend anyone. Honestly, the majority of the mainlanders say they didn't know much about Tiananmen Square and what happened there - even the ones from Beijing.

They also bring up that I guess students burned a whole lot of Chinese police officers during the protests, something I haven't heard about before.

We spoke at length about this event in my Covering China class, which is turning out to be the greatest thing I could ever take. It's interesting to see several different cultures come together on this subject. It's a hot one, most indeed.

The Mainland believes Western Media overplayed the event. Western Media is upset because the Mainland cut their broadcasts. And, according to the Chinese Gov't, nothing ever happened in the Square - which is technically correct. The photo above (thanks AP!), is technically banned in China. You'll never see it in a Google Search.

However, the Chinese Gov't, from my understanding, uses this photo differently. If you have ever seen the video of this event, the tanks go way out of their way not to run over the guy. That's usually the aspect the Chinese Gov't uses.

All the chaos happened in the surrounding streets. But Tiananmen Square's Surrounding Streets Massacre isn't sexy. I guess even historic events need a good marketing scheme.

If you had to think of Hong Kong in 1989, think of an child about to be reunited with its parent, and then Mommy pulls this. Scary.

This is a touchy subject. Probably the touchiest subject I have seen in my life. Because, in the U.S., even if you don't believe in gay marriage, you can still debate it. Here, you just don't bring it up.

Just ignore it, like we do the Squid.

See? I ended a melodramatic post with a Family Guy quote. I can transition into anything.

Anyways, Please Mind the Gap
.
.
.
and the Tank.

~Ken