Rich People Make Me a Sad Panda

Outside of my regular purchases of clothing and consumer goods here in Hong Kong, I am on a side quest for cultural things I can bring back from China to the states. Jade. Sculptures. Paintings. Books. Something that is more long lasting than any tie or shirt I buy at a boutique.

I've had an inkling, since an episode in a park, to purchase a Mahjong set. I don't play Mahjong - my grandmother did though. I use to construct things out of her Mahjong tiles.

It's a memory I have of my Grandma that I cherish. My Mom and Dad are about to go down memory lane.

However! I haven't been able to find one. I've not looked very hard though - I've put off buying cultural items for awhile because I don't know where to buy it, and I don't want to buy cheap rip offs. I also don't want to spend a fortune at a store near the Mandarian Oriental either. So I haven't found a Mahjong set, not one.

So ... to my story:


I was shopping in Central, which is what I do on almost a religious basis. There's always some designer brand flagship store I can walk into and made to feel small, poor and unable to afford this stuff ever because I am a business reporter, not a businessman.

I walked into the Gucci flagship store in Hong Kong. It's literally brand new - opened on Oct. 14. It's three stories and absolutely stunning. I have two items from Gucci - and love both of them.

Anyways, I look to my left, and in a glass case is a Gucci Mahjong set.

... yes.

Traditional Mahjong Set, meets:

Well, I had to see this for myself. Now, a bit of background. I walked into Gucci with a Chanel Bag. I bought a tie at Chanel (yes, I bought a man's tie at Chanel, yes it cost a fortune, and yes it was totally worth it). Chanel gave me this huge-ass bag, and I am dressed quite well today, so I look like I am some rich-ass American with taste.


"YES! I command thee, oh, Gucci store people. Show me the Gucci Mahjong Set."

Well, let's just say if I had HK$22,000 and no soul, I would buy it. They had five in the store. What else could be more unique than a Gucci Mahjong set? I asked to see it, and because I had my Chanel bag qualifications, they pulled out a set for me.

Well, I know my Xmas gift for myself. Let's not send Ken to Tibet, China, or Thailand. Let's buy him a Gucci Mahjong set. YAY!

You know Grandma would be proud.

Please Mind the Gap - and my souless behavior.

Ken

This Post's Covet Item:
In honor of the consumerist culture of Hong Kong, I shall build my Holiday Wish List with each post I put online from here on out.

Well, the Gucci Mahjong Set, obviously. And a Chanel J12 Watch. Black - the small one.

"Oh! You're not a person. ... sad."

Despite the melodramatic subject, I will try to be more upbeat in this post. Everyone was depressed by my last one.

But, yes - I am not a person. In fact, I really don't exist.

No, I haven't been reading "The Stranger" and other French Existentialist writing while I a muse the evenings away in Hong Kong. Nor have I sold myself into some type of slavery - although knowing some of my readers, that might be something that would perk their ears.

No, in the end, I just don't have business cards.

As I have become a quasi-adult, I find myself in more and more awkward situations where I don't have a business card or 37 to give to sources or random people I meet. In the U.S. - you're just looked at as clumsy by forgetting your business card in a professional environment.

And, usually in the Western World, as I have gotten to know, you exchange business cards after you meet someone and have already conducted business. It's a symbol of "thank you, please remember me, I appreciated our time together." Like you're dating them or something.

In Asia... completely different. Let's go patented Ken Dialogue:

Asian Businessperson: "Hello, thank you for meeting with me. I am Qu Ting."
Ken: "Hello, I'm Ken Sweet with (fill in somewhat important professional aspect here."

Asian businessperson proceeds to pull out silver or gold business card holder, removes a business card. Holding it by the edges, businessperson bows just slightly, holding business card with appropriate language of conversation upwards for recieval. It is held out like an offering.

Now, at this point, I am supposed to take the business card and then provide the same ceremony to the same person, and then business would commence.

What really happens is:

Ken: "Um, I don't have businesscards. Here is my contact infor..."
Businessperson: (in an abrupt tone) "Why don't you have a business card?"
Cue awkward moment.

Business cards are the life blood of people around here. It establishes your place in society. And you give business cards before anyone commences business. And you always bring more than you possibly could need. Today, I had to go the Ritz Carlton hotel to meet with some fund managers. My editor, knowing that I would probably be crucified like Jesus for not having any, gave me seven business cards. I know because I dropped them on the way out of the building (fouling my business cards on the granite floor).

I ran out of them halfway through, and by the time I got to the important person I needed to give a businesscard to, I was out.

Cue Awkward Moment

Please Mind the Gap - and bring business cards.

Ken

The sound of a face hitting dirt at a million miles an hour sounds like my name.

I've been defeated or downtrodden a couple many times in my life. The first one I can remember distinctly in my mind can be described in two words: Lake Ontario.

That was the answer to a final round to the Arizona State Geography Bee that I missed. I said the Great Salt Lake - I don't remember the question.

I get to add to that collection of downtrodden and defeatist answers today: Enterprise Value. It refers to a value of a company used alternatively than market capitalization, if you really care.

Today I found my first deadline story idea that needed to be written for the wire. It was about a Hong Kong (and later Singapore) based company call Wh_e_elock Properties Ltd. Today its stock shot up 4.4 percent, which is a pretty significant climb for any stock. It was up 20 percent for the week -again a significant climb for any stock.

I noticed this company moving up what's called a HILO chart (52-week highs/lows)... and ran it by my immediates. We found out that an analyst report was put out yesterday night that said this company seemed, on a financial basis, to be open for a privatization option. Usually this is a big deal. It means the stock is worth less than what the market value of the company, and therefore, the stock is worth buying because it's undervalued. We assume the stock is doing well today because of the report -it's very common in stock stories.

I was told to write a quick 5-6 paragraph story about this and the analyst report. I felt pretty good. I finally did some of my own digging and found a decent story that needed to get on the wire. I wrote it, gave it to Darren, who've I've mentioned before, and him and I worked through the story to improve it. So far, so good. I then get to send it to what's called a Spot Editor, a editor who's available at the moment to edit the story and prep it for the wire. At this time, it's about 515 p.m.

Stop.

The editor has some major questions with my story. Legitimate questions. Things I didn't prepare myself to answer. Double Stop.

I'm asked, after 30 minutes of going back and forth, to rewrite the story. The questionable section, well, everything, but specifically: Singapore. I mentioned that above. In this analyst report, one of the reasons for why the company is doing well is because of the property market in Singapore. This is a Hong Kong company that has no property in Singapore.

Editor: "Have you spoken with the analysts who wrote this?"
Me: "No." (I didn't think about doing this... big mistake)
Editor: "Then, how do we answer how this report is legitimate?"
Me: "Um... (insert bullshit statement here... I really didn't know.... then proceed to look like an idiot.)
Editor: "Find a way to show that Singapore matters and some way to valuate this company's worth."

So, I have to find a way to legitimize this stock's value and why Singapore matters. I call the stocks editor in Singapore and ask. I find out there is a company in Singapore called the same thing and owned by the same people. It's also risen to a record high.

Bingo... I found it - it's a dually listed company (companies can list on many stock exchanges... this was one of them). We get the story back together, with the help of my stocks editor Andy, who stayed way past his time necessary to help me. It's 7 p.m.

I was pretty downtrodden at this point cuz I didn't get the story right the first time. I could have given the readers bad info... (I had originally said that there wasn't a Singapore company). However, I'm here to learn and then send off my revised story - feeling good that it answered all the questions necessary.

Editor: "Show me where this is a dually-listed company."
Me: "I asked the stock editor... and called the company."

The editor then shows a function on the terminal that shows if a company is dually listed it would appear there. It didn't. This Singapore company, while related, is not the same company's stock, and therefore, not a dually-listed company.

Editor: "Also... where's the valuation information I wanted you to put in here about the company."
Me: "I thought the Singapore thing would be enough to answer the question about legitimacy, so I didn't look into it." (I didn't know how to, so I didn't). "If you show me how to..."
Editor: "I don't have time to show you anything. I am the only one here and I have a ton of work to do."
Me: "Um..." (awkward silence)
Editor: "Listen, send me all you have on this and I'll put it together when I get time."

So, I prep material for him, hoping I can at least be somewhat helpful. I grab the report, the quotes I got, etc.

I then get a message on my terminal -it's a graph.

It's a graph showing the performance of this company's stock, compared with the Hang Seng Index. This stock has outperformed the market for years, therefore, it's not undervalued, and therefore...

Well, I don't really have a story, do I?

Editor: "Well, the stock still rose a ton, we need to get something out there. Can I have the materials?"
(Hands materials over)
Editor: "Where's the analyst report?"
Me: "Right there" pointing to a 3-page packet.
Editor: "This report is 37 pages long, what you have is a summary. You cannot write a story off a summary. Look here. Eh, nevermind. Go home, I'll work on this when I get a second. You did a lot of work on this. But go home."

I tell him I want to stay until the story is out. It's my story. I want to see it through, no matter how screwy I am....

Editor: "I don't have time to walk you through your story. Go home. I'll see you at the picnic tomorrow."

So I left.

A letter he won't read

Dear President Bush,

I know you're an avid reader of my blog and I appreciate your time to be an audience member of this humble piece of Internet real estate.

Could I ask one favor though? Please, for the love of all that's good and holy... talk to the damn Koreans before I find out how it feels to:

a) Get a Tan in 15 seconds
b) Grow a second head

If North Korean officials are saying to newspapers "we're going to fire a nuclear missile," at that point if I was you, I would start thinking about a holiday fruit cake for Kim Jong Il or maybe a nice cheese tray.

Cuz, yea... I may not be in Japan or Taiwan or Korea right now... but I am down wind from them. And radiation is just not fabulous.

Talk to the damn Koreans, please.

Mind the Gap, sir.

~Ken

News

Sometimes news happens. Some stories are bigger than others. I honestly never got that news rush over the agenda to the Columbia City Council. Sorry Matt H.

Enter North Korea and its nuclear test.

7:30 a.m.
I get into work like I usually do. My job in the morning is to write the Hong Kong Stocks preview - basically what's going on in the world that might affect stocks. It's nothing big, I work on it every morning. Because it was coming off a holiday in Asia, it was suspected to be a very quite day on the market. U.S. economic indicators playing possible drag on U.S. market, along with liquidity flowing out of the market in preparation for the $19.1 billion ISBC initial public offering. So, pretty much an uneventful day, I made plans in my schedule to work on a Espr*t story on my down time.

9:30 a.m.
I send my stock preview story to the wire and then spend the morning prepping to call fund investors to get a comment on what happens with the market.

10:00 a.m.
Market opens. Hang Seng is trading down as we suspected, no biggie.

10:37 a.m.
Market loses 200 points in five minutes. Wires start talking about an earthquake in North Korea. The Bureau realizes what's most likely happened.

(Insert Blurry Time Figure Here)
Hong Kong is B-Berg's central Asia bureau. Everything is cooridinated from here. So, everything starts going crazy. "North Korea claims nuclear test" starts being the first things we throw up on the wire.

I call my mom and freak her out. Sorry about that. I also call Jenna... Hi Jenna!

My immediate supervisor and full time stock writer, Darren, throws me on the phones. He wants as many comments about what is going to happen to the market as possible. His boss throws him on covering Korean stocks, because obviously the S. Korean bureau has their hands a little full at the moment.

So, that leaves me with the Hong Kong stocks story for the day. The Hang Seng ends up closing 22x.xx points down from records set on Thursday. But, yea, I was given a story that I pretty much built for the most part on my own. I got all the quotes for the story, helped construct it. I got some help from Darren (who could be reading this blog... howdy mate).

That was my part in the North Korean bomb thing. I covered it.... I think? Who knows.

It was a freakin' rush though. I was thinking back. I haven't had a news rush in a long time, one of a bigger scale like this. I was not writing at the time of 9/11 - yea, Derek, I am not that old...

But this was pretty cool. I was in Asia for big story like that. I wasn't studying in South Korea or something, which, honestly, would be even cooler. At least I have a couple interesting stories to come back with.

I hope I am doing well at B-berg. I sometimes wonder. I'm doing a lot of reporting, but not a lot of writing. I'm going to work on a few stories on my own the next couple weeks to build some clips here.

Anyways, sorry for not writing this more eloquently. I'm bloody tired. However! I refrain from using my traditional closing line for these more popular pop culture references:

"Somebody set up us the bomb!"

Kim Jong Il: I'm so Ronery / So ronery / So ronery and sadry arone / There's no one / Just me onry / Sitting on my rittle throne ...

Nothing better to end a important day with making fun of Kim Jong Il.

~Ken

It's like watching Television

Oh, America - politics scandals from your neck of the woods are always so much fun. If only this stuff can last through Election Day. That would make me so happy.

It would also make me happy if Rep. J.D. Hayworth gets hit by a bus, but I would take this Foley thing costing him a seat any day.

Sorry, no China posts today, not much to write about really. International Bank Wire transfers a) suck b) expensive and c) were probably looked at up/down/left/right by the U.S. gov't as it left the states. Yea, FBI... I used my 650 bucks to squander vast amounts of opium on the afghani black market, come find me.

Please Mind the Gap, and the Congressman's penis.

~Ken

Chinese National Day

So, Comrades, I had planned on writing a lengthy and witty blog entry about Chinese National Day. I wrote it, and I decided, I'm not very good at writing communist propaganda. So, I'll explain matter-of-factly instead.

Today was Chinese National Day, the day the Communist Party established the People's Republic of China. On this day 57 years ago is Mao Zedong's said the famous quote "The Chinese People have stood up."

The holiday is not as important in Hong Kong (because of its Communist attachments) than it is in the Mainland. However, we did have a pretty stunning fireworks show. Thanks to YouTube, I have uploaded for you all to enjoy the grande finale.



Hope you enjoyed that, it was pretty amazing to watch. Happy National Day everyone.

Please Mind the Gap,
Ken

For our next course....

Before I left the U.S., I had dinner with a few family friends about their trip to Hong Kong. They gave some great advice. But, they did warn me.

“Watch out for the fancy dinners.” ~Rene.

Oh, Lordy – Mom, you can tell Rene that she was right. I just lived a scene out of “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.” No snakes. No monkey brains. Now, I am an experimental eater. But… this?

Yea…

Tonight was my hall’s High Table Dinner, one of three we are required by the University to attend. It’s a very important function for the Hall. I was excited to go.

Now, Chinese food is served differently here than in the U.S. Traditionally, you serve one dish at a time, and you finish off one/two dishes at one sitting, and then another set will be brought to you.

Let’s start with the first course:

Suckling Pig. That pig was served to me with its face facing me. I had to stare the pig in the face while we ate. And the meat served was not the interior of the pig... it was the outside. I had to eat the skin off a pig... while it looked it at me.

I suddenly wasn’t that hungry. Allison, oh lordy, Allison.

After the pig, here we go.

Shrimp. Now, I like shrimp. But, I don’t enjoy having my food look at me when I eat. And I swear one of them moved. No one else believed me. I actually won’t have Shrimp at Sushi restaurants anymore because I went to one that served me shrimp with the eyes. I don’t want to look at my food while it's looking at me.

Things just kept getting worse. Damn fish...

I am missing a photo of the whole chicken that was served to us... head and all. Again, the bird looked at me while we ate. I miss Chicken Nuggets.

This pastry was actually good. I have no idea what was in it, and how my night was going, I didn't want to know.

In all our table was served something in the neighborhood of 15 dishes with tea. The majority of the food was quite good. I just like not..... well, looking at my food.

And the endless combination of Pork, Shellfish, Dairy, Beef and Dairy taints my body so much, that God himself would ban me from ever devoting a life to Kosher dietary laws.

After dinner, we had a series of speeches (given in Cantonese) and other stuff. Again, I bring up the mentality of the Chinese compared to Western thought. We had the whole series of applause again for people. We were introduced to committees of students and alumni. Everyone in that echelon of power wore the same outfit.

Anyways, the dinner was quite good, despite the looking at my food thing.

Please Mind the Gap, and stop looking at me!

~Ken

Stop, put that credit card down! We will shoot!

I inherited my parents' love of fine things. I remember going with my mom to the Chanel counter to get her usual items. I remember going with my father to get a BMW. I remember going with my aunt to Saks 5th Avenue.

It's part of my makeup, I'm a male fashionista. I enjoy seeing what fashion is doing.

I, however, did not inherit my parents' incomes, or their financial discipline. I inherited a $1 million love of things, with a journalist's salary.

So, I make do. You learn to purchase some really nice things cuz they'll last you a long time. you get good shoes, you get good ties. You don't buy season fashion, you buy classics. Thanks Mom, Chanel taught you, and vicariously me, well.

For mainly reasons, I've always been restrained in my ability to purchase fashion. Money, yes. But more isolation than anything else.

I lived in Flagstaff - there's no shopping there.
I lived in Columbia, Mo. - there's no shopping there.
I lived in Tucson, AZ - there's no shopping there.
Now I live in Hong Kong. … and… well, there's just too much shopping here.

Now I get to the point of my blog entry - that I, in all I have learned in fashion, is giving up.

Hong Kong is free trade, and complete and utter access to all fashion. And I mean all fashion.

I walked into the Prince's Building today, which is one of ugh, 30 maybe, major shopping malls in Central, where I work. I list the following flagship stores that I walked past: Valentino (2), Dior, Verace, Chanel, Prada, Dolce and Gabanna, Gucci (3), Tod's, Dunhill, Bally, Yves St. Laurent(2), Armani, Hugo Boss, a dozen high-end tailors and enough jewelry stores to make Elizabeth Taylor throw up. That's not counting the stores that I have clue if they actually matter or not, with pretentious names that only Brenden may know.

With all this fashion, what I have I learned?

It's just too much and I give up. I tried. I tried getting nice ties, good shoes, nice pants. I tried. I tried to look good. And then you see some random white tourist who bought the outfit instead of the one item I got.

So, what have I learned about shopping here? Unless you have an American Express Centurion Card, or you're Madonna, insane or all three, fashion is depressing.

First off, good taste is damn expensive. I found a coat at Zenga this weekend, it was a great basic - Brown leather, wool lining, would have been in my wardrobe for decades. It wasn't outlandish at all. It was HK$34,000 (divide that shit by 8.. and you what do you get? Depression). Good jeans are now US$150-200, with something interesting starting at $300.

The cost of a tie is directly related to it's cost. It's a fact, the $20 sale tie is ugly. I worked in ties - I know.

I tried for emulation. I bought letigre polos instead of lacoste - the letigre ones faded and fell apart. the $100 dress shoes hurt my feet, the $200 ones are a compromise to the $600 ones, which would last longer and way look better.

And don't get me started on that I want a watch, just a watch, and the one I wanted cost more than my car. (No, I didn't go for price). If anyone knows anything about me, with one key exception, I'm not a logo fiend.

So, I give up.I'm going to wear free sleeveless t-shirts and sweatpants and ugly madras blazers to black tie events. I just can't keep up anymore.

And also, here in Hong Kong, I've learned somehow, the Chinese have the highest savings rates in the world and also spend the most on fashion. I can't save or buy fashion. I'm a jewish barbarian.

I was talking about this with a friend at work today. This is his quote:

"One of the sad facts of journalism, is you work for no pay to talk to people with IQ's hundred times your own and a million times your salary. It sucks mate."

Ain't it the fucking truth?

Please Mind the Gap - and the $6,000 Valentino dresses … they're frail you know.

~Ken

A bird of many colours.

Okay, before I go any further... couple things: 1) Yea, that image above is owned by someone at the Associated Press and I am assuming no copyright privileges to it, blah, blah, blah. ... 2) Sorry I haven't been posting, life has been so busy.

What do you call the event associated with that picture? The Tiananmen Square protests of 1989? The Tiananmen Square Massacre? That Event in China?

How about The June 4th Incident.

Yea.

Welcome to China.

I found myself in my first political discussion where I didn't realize I was in a heap of trouble a few days ago. I was speaking to a Mainlander about Tiananmen Square and I brought up 1989. Yea, that was a mistake.

I think in the United States there are certain controversial issues that will almost get everyone flared up in some way or another. Abortion, Gay Marriage, Brady Commons, etc.

I think Tiananmen Square beats them all. Depending on whom you talk to here, you have to refer to it by a certain name in order not to offend anyone. Honestly, the majority of the mainlanders say they didn't know much about Tiananmen Square and what happened there - even the ones from Beijing.

They also bring up that I guess students burned a whole lot of Chinese police officers during the protests, something I haven't heard about before.

We spoke at length about this event in my Covering China class, which is turning out to be the greatest thing I could ever take. It's interesting to see several different cultures come together on this subject. It's a hot one, most indeed.

The Mainland believes Western Media overplayed the event. Western Media is upset because the Mainland cut their broadcasts. And, according to the Chinese Gov't, nothing ever happened in the Square - which is technically correct. The photo above (thanks AP!), is technically banned in China. You'll never see it in a Google Search.

However, the Chinese Gov't, from my understanding, uses this photo differently. If you have ever seen the video of this event, the tanks go way out of their way not to run over the guy. That's usually the aspect the Chinese Gov't uses.

All the chaos happened in the surrounding streets. But Tiananmen Square's Surrounding Streets Massacre isn't sexy. I guess even historic events need a good marketing scheme.

If you had to think of Hong Kong in 1989, think of an child about to be reunited with its parent, and then Mommy pulls this. Scary.

This is a touchy subject. Probably the touchiest subject I have seen in my life. Because, in the U.S., even if you don't believe in gay marriage, you can still debate it. Here, you just don't bring it up.

Just ignore it, like we do the Squid.

See? I ended a melodramatic post with a Family Guy quote. I can transition into anything.

Anyways, Please Mind the Gap
.
.
.
and the Tank.

~Ken

First Day at The job.

Ow.

Shoes.... ow.

830 a.m. to 8:30 p.m. .... ow

7 a.m. to ??? tomorrow .... ow.

Running around Hong Kong in a suit.... ew.


To Do:

1) Buy more black shoes.
2) Sleep, maybe.
3) Put a tourniquet on Pride.

ow.

Ken

Swim Meet and Fashion Disasters

First, I have to applaud, well ... me. The wonderful people over at YouTube are now supplementing this blog entry. I discovered I could do video with my digital camera, so I have a few videos to show you.

Anyways, today was the Intrahall Swim Meet. The Residential Halls here are very similar in behavior to U.S's fraternities and other Greek organizations. They have initiation, songs, and dances. It's very similar to what you would see in the states at university areas.

Anyways, I was given a uniform to wear... and I screamed.

Here it is, I cannot believe I'm uploading this to the web:


AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Sleeveless shirts. Look how white my arms are; I don't think they have seen the light in a sleeveless shirt in probably a decade. Tragic, truly tragic. Yes, I had to go public in that. The shop workers at Prada or Gucci are saying:

Person A: "Hey, did you feel that, there's a disturbance in the force."
Person B: "Yes, I feel it too, something I haven't felt before. It's so strong... call the fashion police quickly, and probably an ambulance. And get Ken's name on The List. He can't shop here anymore."
Person A: "Yes, Agreed." (scampers away)
Person B: "I haven't felt this level of disturbance since a Mr. David Buck put on a madras blazer and considered that fashion, most disturbing."


Other than the fat, err fact that I looked like a beached whale in an ugly shirt; I proceeded to go cheer my floor mates at the swim meet. My roommate Danny was participating (I could not, because the practices were during school time for me, very sad). I couldn't show off my swimming skillz.

Between the races, the different floors would sing songs and do choreographed dances. Here's one of them, thanks YouTube.



Wasn't that special? I wanted to tell the girls over there that I love Les Miserables. Dad, see they love it here in Asia too. The musical is the gateway to world peace.

Just to make Danny mad, here's a video of his first swimming meet. He won actually, so clap, clap, clap for him. I sound like a swimming instructor in the video... wait, I was a swimming instructor. Sorry for it being horizontal, I couldn't figure out how to rotate the whole video. :(



What you hear in the background, "Yat Lau," is Cantonese for "First Floor, First Floor." That's the cheer. You usually don't cheer a person, you cheer a segment of people -aka First Floor, Simon K.Y. Lee Hall, etc.

Speaking of applause, here in Hong Kong, you applaud everyone for everything around here. When you're introduced communally to someone, a person of prestige, power, one level above you, you applaud him. It's not like when you applaud someone given a speech. No, No, No... It’s more.

Person A: "This is Franklin, our Floor Representative."
Everyone Else: "Oooooooohh..." (commence applause)

It's very interesting. If anything I am learning is how different two cultures take social interactions and group mentality differently. Yay for being a team player (my mom and Leslie would be so proud).

Anyways, Please Mind the Gap - and the water on the digital camera.

~Ken

PS: Oi, Ah, San, Tsi, Ooh, Lai, Chi, Ba, Jian, Sin - I learned to count to ten in Putonghua today! Now I can order Chinese food and sound smart. hahahahaha.

No one comments on my blog :(

Lost in Translation

This blog entry has no really order or purpose, other than to entertain a few people. Namely Ian.

Here we go:

This sign was on the outside of a restaurant.

Yes, a restaurant has on the outside of it's storefront, saying there is no eating or drinking in said restaurant.

Well, Ladies and Gentleman... that's just freaking hilarious.

That, or really ironic. I guess the purpose of the sign is to keep people from bringing food into the restaurant and eating it there. It just got translated wrong.

Continuing on.... unfortunately, I didn't have a picture of another sign I saw in SoHo.

It was a breakfast place called "The Flying Pan," with a picture of a frying pan with wings on it. Ian, .... remember your L's and R's...

If you don't get it, well... you're just going to have to sit that one out. I'm not touching that joke with a six-foot pole. I really hope Ian gets the joke.

Continuing on, I was at a restaurant with some friends tonight, and over the background speaker comes "Last Christmas" by George Michael. Now, both Matt from Germany and I are completely caught off guard by this (there very strict protocol rules about when or when not to play Xmas music). Or local student friends didn't seem to mind it.

It must be Christmas in Hong Kong all year long then.

I know, it's not as witty as it could have been. Anyways, Please Mind the Gap, and don't eat inside restaurants.

Ken

Tropical Storm Such and Such coming this way

I am the proud owner of an inside-out umbrella today. I did spend HK$15 on it (about $1.90) for it, so I guess I get what I deserve.

We have some tropical storm coming towards Hong Kong right now. It's supposed to hit us, or just South of us, in the next few days. Here's its current position.

It doesn't have a name, and probably won't have one, but anyways, it's cool that I am somewhat close to one. Here's some pictures of the rediculous rain we're getting.





We're at Tropical Storm level 3, I guess (out of 8 or 10, depending on who you ask), so I guess it's not a huge deal. But, I am getting what I asked for - I wanted to experience a big storm while I'm here.

Anyways, Please Mind the Gap, and the wet stairs (some poor girl took the hard way down today).

~Ken

Mercedes vs. Human vs. Double-Decker Bus

Warning: my lack of emotions and cynical nature will make this episode much funnier than it really was. Never challenge a bus and Mercedes, you'll lose.

So, out of complete boredom, I decided to go to Causeway Bay today to wander a few shops. I didn't purchase anything, so after a few hours I decided to get on the bus of my dreams: #23. It goes to HKU, to my work and to three malls. Yes, love it.

I got on my bus and after a few minutes, I feel a bump, a dozen car horns - and we come to a streeching halt. Now, the majority of these buses are huge-ass double decker buses that don't necessarily stop on a dime. However, the drivers here seem to think they do.

I bump my head against the chair infront of me.

A buzzer goes off, and me as the stupid English-speaker, asks a schoolchild what happened. He told me there's been an accident, and he thinks we're getting off the bus.

First thought: "Well, I want my HK$5.60 back."

So, I start snapping pictures with my cell phone camera. I guess, from the child's testimony, a bus and a Mercedes Benz both hit a pedestrian, and then the Mercedes, obviously caught off guard, slammed into the bus.

Sucks.

Here we go, no blood though, I couldn't get out of the bus to shoot pictures:

The guy in the grey suit is the driver.


That's a picture from the second level, where I was sitting. The yellow lines were the crosswalk. The man hit by the bus from my understand is somewhere under the rear of my bus and the car.

After about ten minutes, the passengers get shuffled onto another bus.

I learned very quickly when I first got here that you don't screw with anything on wheels here. They honestly don't care. The vast majority of people kept walking and didn't care. I mean, come on, the crosswalks tell you about as explicitedly as I have ever seen when or when not to cross.

I got my $5.60 back. I guess if you hit someone with a bus, the least of your worries is cashing in the fares of your passengers.

Anyways, Please Mind the Gap ... and the bus.

~Ken

Watch what you say...

On Saturday, I got invited out with a bunch of international students to go grab some food and maybe later end up wandering Wan Chai or something like that. So, we head down to Kennedy Town (located just south of where I live) to find a restaurant.

I was talking with my friend Jerry who is from Germany about several different things (we were at the tail end of a group of about 15) and then we pass a McDonalds. I say to him:

"I feel very proud that I've been here in Hong Kong for what, 10 days now, and I haven't had any American fast food at all."

And I was proud -I've been very good about eating at local restaurants. But then, I do think then God noticed this so-called pride and proceeded to smite my unneeded culinary pride.

Because no sooner did I say that, our group all turned into the KFC two doors down. I don't know when we decided on KFC, I certainly wasn't a part of that decision-making process.

So, here in Hong Kong, with every possible cuisine around me, I had fried chicken, mashed potatoes, corn and some rice palaf thingy.

And you know, it just doesn't taste the same. KFC in the states is so much better, maybe it's the water, or the MSG.

Please Mind the Gap,
Ken

Culture Shock 2 and Rain

Saying that we've replaced here in Hong Kong massive humidity with massive rain, I thought I would write about a recent eating experience here.

I always took some pride that I am a "White Man" who can use chopsticks. I hate eating Chinese food any other way- it just doesn't feel correct.

Well, I learned very abruptly that I have much to learn about Chinese etiquette.

Yesterday while eating, I was out with my Buddy from Hong Kong - a local student who's assigned to check on us while we're here in Hong Kong. We went out to eat and usually I have no trouble going out for Cantonese.

Anyways, after we finish, we were talking about manners and stuff, I am not sure how it came up, but anyways, he brought up "there are two things you need to learn about eating with Chinese."

Ut-oh.

He told me that using Chopsticks with your left hand is considered very rude and unrefined. I guess the Putonghua word for left handed, or 左, basically means "out of accord" or even worse, "illegal."

Now, I'm left handed, strongly left handed, I do everything left handed, except throw a baseball, oddly (maybe if I threw left-handed I wouldn't be so bad at sports ha-ha). Using my right hand to eat with chopsticks could never happen. I never knew being left handed would be such a cultural taboo. How to fix this... hmmm.

Also, in Chinese eating, you usually get several dishes and share between many people. You pull some from each dish and so on. Well, it's always been common for when I go out for Chinese, and I cannot grab a piece of vegetable or something, I will just try for the next piece.

Not Here. You're committed to that chicken piece once your chopsticks touch it. Call it food marriage, if you wish. Again, you can't grab a piece; you're basically an idiot.

So, I guess I am still the barbaric white man here in China, no matter how many years I have spent eating Chinese food in the States.

Hope all is well, until next time, Please Mind the Gap.

~Ken

Ode to Octopus

I once watched a couple online television news stories in the states several years ago that described that "one day, we will have the technology to purchase small items that we need by just pointing our cell phone or watch towards a vending machine or at a Circle K." I think I quote that almost word-for-word.

One day is today here in Hong Kong. Behold the Octopus, probably the greatest piece of technology Hong Kong has to offer, next to the longest escalator in the world and silent subways.

Let me explain why I "heart" Octopus. First, it's works everywhere. McDonalds? Use your Octopus. Bus? Use your Octopus. Circle K? Use your Octopus. Subway? Use your Octopus.

You get the picture. Basically, the Hong Kong transit authority for use issued the Octopus card in their extensive mass transit system (95 percent of all residents of HK use mass transit.

Like the social security number in the U.S., it ended up being used for everything in Hong Kong. You can use Octopus for tea at the Seven 11, McDonald’s, anything you want, just as long as you have enough money on it.

What makes it even cooler is the fact it’s radio controlled. So, you’ll see when you get on a bus people holding their wallets, purses, duffel bags, cats, up to the Octopus reader. They also make Octopus-compatible designer watches and keychains.

See? The Chinese invented Gun Powder, Porcelain, Fireworks, the longest escalator in the world (I promise to upload pictures of that too) and Super-Easy-Ways-To-Pay thingies. They are awesome ^_^

Americans can’t even come with a mobile network that works.

Other things of note: Classes started today officially, but I don’t start class until Wednesday because I am only going half time. My internship at Bloomberg starts 18 September, and you’ll definitely hear about that.

Anyways, Please Mind the Gap.

Ken

More of Hong Kong

I went with the Journalism faculty today on a tour of some major sites in Hong Kong for news value. While I wasn't able to fully grasp the major connections for news values, it was an excellent tour of some major sites of Hong Kong and Kowloon.

I can't blog much about today, so I'll just show pictures:

This is a Taoist temple located in northern Hong Kong. It's the largest temple in Hong Kong, and just absolutely stunning. Above is a picture of the rear garden. If I need to relax and run away, I'm running away to there.


In contrast, here's another picture from Mong Kok. I don't read Cantonese, but from my understanding, you wouldn't want your mother reading those signs if she could read Cantonese (sorry mom).


Let's go back to the Temple. Ah... peace. I guess in Taoist religions, you burn incense in multiples of three to ask the Gods for fortune or favors.


I look pissed off in this picture.

This was something I didn't notice until today. Outside of my dorm is a very large piller sculpture, dedicated to the victims of the Tianenman Square protests of 1989. The political liberties here in HK are much more extensive then I originally thought.

I'll post some interesting thoughts soon, until then. Baii Baii.

~Ken

Mong Kok

I went with a group of friends to an area in Hong Kong called Mong Kok located in Kowloon. The area is a huge open market. I could describe it, but pictures are much cooler (and I just bought a digital camera, yay!).

This is Mong Kok. I don't think you can see in these pictures, but the vast majority of the people walking around here, have on flashy watches and carry Gucci bags. It's all fake, but it's kinda fun. This part of the road was a open market, and every time we walked by a stall, the owner would yell at us "Copy Watch!" - you can figure out what that means.

Here, it's pure bargaining, and everything is cheap. My friend Philip from Germany bought two dress shirts at a stall for 80 HKD, or about 10 bucks. It was funny to look at them though, they were decent in quality, but totally labeled wrong. The pocket read "Hugo Boss" and the inside the neck read "Nautica."

Every corner had a little shop for you to shop at. Mong Kok in this area was almost all consumer goods - no chinese medicine, artifacts, or that stuff. What was sold as Chinese trinkets were pretty cheap looking. I was little sad. Some of the trinkets were so cheap looking, I felt bad just looking at them, because they were probably based off something at some point.

There were dozens of these street markets.

On a main street, there was a protest going on. Hong Kong, as a Special Administrative Region, is allowed more political liberties than other places. The people below were protesting in favor of the Falun Gong.

Falun Gong is banned in China, it's a political movement. I don't know much about it. Anyways, look at the sign. It says "Heaven Condemns CCP's Brutal Genocide." If you think back to anything you learned in school about China, do you guys remember the Mandate of Heaven concept? Basically, any government in China is given the right to govern by the Gods. The People's Republic of China is the successor of the Chinese Emperors, and is the legitimate heir to thier government. Just interesting to note.

You can't see in these pictures but, Mong Kok is incredibly crowded, and we went on a slow day. It's hard to walk in some of the open markets at some points, and people definately are pushy.

On one street in Mong Kok was an open air fruit market. You could purchase anything exotic there, and it all looked incredibly fresh. We had just ate before, so I didn't have anything. I did however...

Have a coconut. :)

I kept seeing people wander around with coconuts with straws in them. It immediately became a mission to find the stall for one. I found one, and for 5 HKD (about 64 cents), the guy would punch a hole in the fruit with a screwdriver and hand you a straw. Very good actually. Aww... that girl in the picture is cute.

Hey, look how tan I am! I went to the beach for my birthday, and had a chance to get some color in my skin again. Yay!

I bought a bomber jacket and brown sports coat at Mong Kok. Both were very nice, I got them for like... combined, um, 150 HKD? Yea, like 20 bucks. My shopping Gods smiled at me today.